20/20 Vision (13)

 A short list of things I've learned in sobriety about the world of love and relationships :

You are not your past. Do not let it hold you back but be truthful. Truth is the best card you have to play.

You deserve to be happy just like anyone else on this planet.

You can date without using, it’s shockingly fun and rewarding. This is the real you now. Embrace it.

Sober intimacy with someone you trust is 100 times better than an intoxicated one night stand.

Love is not always enough.  It rarely is. Life and circumstance will burrow themselves between you and a loved one like a needy puppy at 2 am. Be prepared.

Let the people pleaser in you go. Things bother you, you can admit it, and you should. Don't fight an internal battle when a concern is valid. 

Be caring and giving, but make sure you also receive. Generosity (of any kind) is not a one way street.

Be careful when setting precedents in a relationship. Honest and open communication: Good. Volunteering to do everything: Bad.

Trust your gut and intuition. They are rarely wrong.

You are not a fool for being fooled. It means you chose to see the good in someone instead of the bad and that is an admirable quality.

Be patient. What’s the rush? 

Be tolerant. You’re not perfect either.

Over analyzation will be the death of you. Like the beginning of time and why socks always disappear in the dryer, some things are just a mystery.

People are independent beings with separate interests and thoughts. You should be balanced equals, not one entity. Do not take everything personally. Not every action taken by your significant other is related to you.

There are always two ways to approach a conflict or sensitive subject- with understanding or with disdain. Pick the former.  Be a teammate, not a rival.

Treat every breakup as an opportunity to learn- to learn from your mistakes and about yourself. Clear your side of the street and move on.

Emotional pain and confusion are healthy. Do not numb those feelings- they are the perfect recipe for resilience and wisdom.

Cry hysterically and get it all out- then laugh at how crazy you must have just looked. Humor and self awareness go a long way during rough patches.

The grass grew before them and it will continue to grow after them. Whatever you call it-fate, cosmic intervention, incompatibility, deal breakers, personal issues, lack of communication, or a change in feelings- Everything happens for a reason.

This Dr. Seus quote is perfect: “We're all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” 

You’ll be lucky to find your weirdo,

But find yourself and you’ve struck gold.

It’s the only way love thrives.

***Take what you like and leave the rest***