Never too young (9)

         



             " I know it seems like a life time ago, but I was sitting exactly where you are right now 9 years ago. I took the same classes, had some of the same teachers and even drank and partied in the same parking lots and hidden places. Trust me, I know them all," I joke to the group of high school seniors sitting before me. They chuckle at my surprising admission.

            “That’s actually why I’m here today, to talk to you about drugs and alcohol. I'm not a counselor, teacher or member of law enforcement," I continue. "I myself am a recovering alcoholic. I'm not here to scare you straight or to even tell you not to drink. I'm simply here today to share my personal experiences with alcoholism and addiction in the hopes that you learn something."

 I can immediately tell they were not expecting me to be a substance abuse guest speaker, perhaps a college advisor or recruiter. Nonetheless, I notice a shift in body language to more comfortable positions now knowing I'm not the big bad wolf here to blow down their keg party.

I have on a form fitting, quarter sleeved, grey tweed dress and black stilettos. My blonde hair blown out straight, cherry red painted on my lips.

              "You don't look like an alcoholic," blurts out a boy in the front row. Ah, my strategic ensemble worked.

            "That's the thing about addiction, it doesn’t have a stereotypical face, it can look like anyone. This disease doesn't discriminate. Does not consider your age, race or background. It will get you if you let it."

And it's off to the races.

            I spend the entire class period chronicling my departure from innocence to corruption. From insecurity and confusion to escape and indifference. From being an honor student and Varsity athlete to a below average college scrub with a 20 lb weight gain and empty wallet. And of course, my legal woes.

I don't hold back when discussing the unhealthy view I developed in regards to sex and relationships because of my drinking and the choices I made.

            "If you take an introductory law class at any point in your life, you'll learn what a fallacy is, and a fallacy is trying to prove something to be true using false logic. I would live a wild and seemingly care free life style and then expect to be taken seriously by someone I had feelings for, simply because I said I could change. That's not the way it works. You can't expect to act a certain way and not be judged by that behavior. You have to earn people's trust and respect. And my abusive drinking turned me into an unstable, untrustworthy person."

The truth is I didn't wake up one day and think to myself, ‘I want to drink excessive amounts, put my health at risk, become someone devoid of character and warmth;’ it was a gradual process that began at an early age. The age of many students sitting before me.

            To my delight, they listened intently and even nodded their heads in empathy during some parts of my story. The minds’ of teenagers are many things, but impervious is not one of them (as much as they would have you believe).  But to get through, you must strip down and bare your soul. Speak to them directly, honestly, logically and on their level of understanding and you will break skin. Their invincible exteriors will bleed, if only slightly. It’s an incredible thing to see the wheels turning in someone’s head; their strings being plucked and nerves pinched.  To witness the uncomfortable realization that some of what you are saying may be valid and even worth remembering. 

(That’s my favorite part).

            “What made you want to speak to us and share your story?” asks an attentive young man at the end of my talk.

           “I just felt like I could have benefited from hearing a speaker closer to my age with a relatable story when I was in high school. Most of the time you guys are only exposed to the most extreme cases of addiction through shows like intervention, or shown gruesome pictures of car accidents. Most people have similar experiences to mine.”

            When I was seventeen, no one told me addiction was a disease that ran in families like cancer or heart disease.  No one told me I had a right to know my family history because it could directly affect me. Until AA, the idea that I could be allergic to alcohol did not exist. And I certainly never realized some of my peers could be struggling with mental illness or behavioral disorders and using substances to cope. Would I have become an alcoholic even with this information? Most likely due to my choices, but knowledge is power and I could have used a little of that when I was struggling and making poor decisions.

            I had the privilege last year of seeing a substance abuse awareness speaker whose story I've followed over the years and respect tremendously: Chris Herren. A former NBA player and heroin addict, Chris Herren delivers a powerful message to anyone fortunate enough to hear him. At the end of his talk, he bravely relives the pain he felt when using and how much of it sprung from his insecurities. "I want you to ask yourselves, 'What is it about me that I don't like? And why?' And figure out how to cope because you all are worth being happy and healthy.'" His foundation Project Purple http://goprojectpurple.com/ is an amazing resource and brings much needed awareness to the cause.

           

             It’s time to stop sweeping addiction under the rug. It’s always been time to give this problem its due spotlight. To educate our young people about more than facts and figures in school presentations. Never once at a college party did I stop and think to myself, “ One 12 ounce glass of beer has the same amount of alcohol as 1.5 ounces of liquor in a shot, so I’d better keep track and drink accordingly.” Not to say this health class information isn’t important, but it’s not the nitty gritty- not the blood on the front lines. It’s the candy coated, safe-behind-the-glass version.

            I’m extremely lucky that two high schools have welcomed me with open arms and given me a place to share my story these past two years. At the end of each presentation, I provide a hand out with helpful websites and my personal email should a student want to chat in private. I’ve gotten a few very touching and rewarding responses since starting this journey. I’ve had students confide in me they are in recovery themselves and even inquire about local AA meetings. I’ve had other students disclose they have an alcoholic parent and are happy someone is talking about addiction in a real way. Others have simply admitted they learned something new.

            However, despite my best efforts, the world will continue to spin today’s youth around like the giant dizzying tea cup rides of yesteryear. They will drink, they will smoke, they will sniff.  Curiosity will eventually kill the cat and they will succumb to the age old tradition of “getting wasted.”  I don’t share my story in the delusional hope that my words alone will curb their desires. The reason I speak is to let them know that should they choose not to partake, THAT’S OKAY. Or should they realize they may have a problem, they are not alone and there is help available everywhere. And most importantly that neither scenario makes them any different, better or worse than the next person.

            Your brain, emotional maturity, life experiences and understanding of who you are as a person at 17 and 18 years old is light years away from what they will become in your twenties. You can’t jump ahead in growth, there is no way around that. However, the silver lining is that you have the capacity to mold these ever changing variables into something you can be proud of. Fill the little pockets of your mind with the lessons you learn from the mistakes of other people, and use those golden bricks to build the strongest foundation possible. Nothing is ever truly in our control-learning that early on will save you a world of frustration and anxiety-but what you can control is how you use the information you are given. Don’t take that gift for granted.

Listen. Absorb. Decide.

**Take what you like and leave the rest**