Don’t worry,
it tastes like shit (2)
I’m a
lucky girl. There’s no doubt in my mind that without my friends and family I’d
be dead in a gutter right now. Getting the ultimate wake-up call by almost
hitting a tree head on while driving drunk has helped too, but I attribute a great deal
of my solid sobriety and being comfortable in
that sobriety to the amazing people in my life.
“You’re crazy, but I love you,” is something each has said
to me at one point or another. I’m sure they internally had some more choice
words for me, but in their battle to remain friend not foe, they never pushed
too hard when it came to my drinking problem. They remained sheepishly
concerned, knowing I would do whatever I wanted and heed no warning, no matter
how dangerous the obstacle ahead might be.
For me, bars and their equivalent were wonderful spectacles, drawing me
in like fireworks whose larger than life colors excite you because of how
beautifully dangerous they truly are. In
his hit song Piano Man, singer Billy
Joel paints a perfect picture of this atmosphere when he likens the sound
of his barroom piano to those of a carnival. That’s how I felt. Like each time
I stepped into a bar, I was stepping into a wonderland of characters, sights,
sounds and magical illusions. Except in this tale, I am not a clumsy and
bewildered Alice, tumbling down a rabbit hole. I am a college co-ed dressed to
the nines with a take no prisoner’s attitude, ready to devour night.
In that place, everyone was my friend. Everyone was my
buddy. I belonged. Only after I got sober did I realize my reality was a
fantasy. The people hovering in dark corners getting drunk did not care about
me. Those were not my people. Some were there to ease their heartaches and
drown their sorrows. Others to hunt and drag their prey back to their lair to
ravage. Some to celebrate and let loose. And others, like me, because they
didn’t know how to stop.
Since I’ve joined the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous,
I’ve learned many people had to cut everyone out of their lives and start fresh
once they stopped using. I am grateful that for me this is not the case. Of
course I have let acquaintances and some friendships fade, but none that I’ve
had to quit cold turkey. I’ve had the same group of girlfriends since I was in
middle school. We’ve stayed close through all of life’s ups and downs, through
distance created by college, and becoming young women. I’ve also been fortunate
to make some amazing, lifelong friends during college. And of course, there are my saviors-my parents and sister. All of these people were there for me each time
I stumbled. Picked me up off the floor and put me back together. The bartenders
and drunken creatures of the night were not, and did not.
Everyone’s experience with getting sober is different. Some,
like me, feel comfortable being around “normies” who can drink responsibly
and casually. Others feel the need to avoid places where drinking occurs to
impede temptation. Do whatever keeps you sober, but remember you have the power
to take back control of your life. A solution and support is available to you
should you seek it. I hope that everyone who wants to get sober has people who
care about them like I do.
“don’t worry, it tastes like shit.”
I do not miss drinking alcohol and wouldn’t change my life
now for any glass of wine in the world, but I still laugh every time she says it
and appreciate the sentiment. She understands I need levity and humor to combat
my sometimes burdensome struggle. Like I
said, I’m a lucky girl. With the right people by your side, you can do
anything.
So start appreciating or picking the right people and take
out the trash. Get sober for you and for them. It could save your life.
**Take what you like and leave the rest**
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm so proud of you. I think we should run a half-marathon for my bachelorette party...we'll wake up feeling like shit, but it'll be well worth it =)
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