No Thanks. I'm Allergic.(5)

         “Woa, God bless you! Need a tissue?” says a co-worker. 

         “I have one, thank you,” I reply after letting out an embarrassingly loud and violent sneeze. It’s that time of year again when the seasons change and swirling spores of pollen fill the air. Ah allergies. Don’t you just love them? Mine are fleeting and not too incapacitating, but still make me an unattractive, itchy and watery mess for part of the day.

            In no time, the rest of my co-workers are stuffing their pockets with travel size tissue packs and hand sanitizer.  If it’s not pesky ragweed swelling up their tear ducts, then it’s the furry four legged family members of friends or the tumbleweeds of dust hiding in the corners of their windowsills. It’s always something.

          After work, I head over to a friend’s house to take a walk and enjoy the crisp air despite nature's cruel joke. “Must be Spring. We’re open!” reads a sign in front of an  ice cream shop.            

          “Let’s get some ice cream!” I squeal.

          "I can't, I'm lactose intolerant, remember?" she laments. I've known this for years but always seem to forget.

          "That's right I'm sorry. We don't need the empty calories anyway. Bikini season will be here before we know it!" I counter.

My friend cannot have dairy plain and simple. It's not going to ruin her day.There are plenty of other treats in the world she can enjoy to satisfy her warm weather craving. Italian ice is just as refreshing, if not more so.

           Later on, we pick up our other friend. We have dinner plans and she already has a restaurant in mind. Two months ago she found herself in a hospital bed for three days with a diagnosis of ulcerative colitis-a nasty inflammatory disease of the intestines. In her case, it's aggravated by the intake of gluten. So now, she can't have bread products containing gluten (which is basically anything made with flour and wheat). As we sit down to a nice meal, our menus littered with salads and gluten free-options, the waitress makes her way over with a complimentary bread basket. Ms. lactose dives in while gluten-free looks on.

           "Is it hard not to eat bread, pasta and all the stuff you're so used to eating?" she says, after apologizing for the fresh garlic knot in her mouth.

        "It was at first," replies our deprived friend, "but honestly I'm used to it now and have learned to replace that stuff with other, healthier starches. I love quinoa, sweet potatoes and rice. It's funny how I thought I’d die without bread but it's not a big deal to me now. It's a lifestyle change but a manageable one. I just have to be smart and cautious."

           We order and enjoy our meals without further thought to our food allergies- yes, all three of us have one. Mine is alcohol.

                                       

             I am allergic to alcohol. Some call it an intolerance.  My body and brain cannot process alcohol normally the way other peoples can. It does not cause my stomach to inflame, my skin to break out in hives or my throat to close, but it absolutely alters my chemistry and triggers a negative response from my body. In a sense it’s a hypocritical allergy though, because when I take that first sip, my brain tells my body it needs more, not less. Just as my friend’s gluten intake contributed to her ulcerative colitis, my intake of alcohol contributed to my disease of alcoholism. A disease that runs in my family, much like heart disease or cancer does in other families. I first heard about the allergy concept at an AA meeting. My entire world changed when I learned of it.

In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Dr. William D. Silkworth writes an extensive opinion on the matter. Here is an early excerpt:

"We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

           Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all  cases,their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives."

            So you mean to tell me there is actually something medically and biologically happening to me when I drink alcohol that makes me act the way I do? That once I reach a certain point, my behavior isn't due to the fact that I'm just an awful, reckless, crazy human being with complete disregard for my actions? That it's beyond my control to stop once I start? Wow. Who woulda thought?

         "It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality,or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact,to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves           out this physical factor is incomplete.

      

        The doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As a laymen our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as ex- problem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account."

So that’s why I drunk dialed everyone in my phone and told them to fuck off and die?!

                                            

            Armed with this liberating information I was ready to take on the world. Alcohol is something I cannot have-period. the end. I've always hated seafood, so much so that I do sometimes tell people I'm allergic to it so they don’t force their newest shrimp and scallop creation down my throat. Due to this, I was used to cutting out an entire food group from my diet. Why did my treatment of alcohol have to be any different? 

            Some people question how I could possibly sit around with peers who are drinking, or even pour them a glass of wine when I play hostess and not want to gulp one down myself, but for me it’s not complicated. Some people need to carry an EpiPen on their person at all times because of how severe their allergy to nuts is. Knowing how detrimental eating them would be to their health, I doubt watching a friend eat a snickers or peanut butter sandwich triggers them to see red and tackle the nut-eating culprit like a linebacker. They know they can't have it so they don't. That's what I've come to understand and accept about my drinking.

            Fast forward a few months where the three allergically challenged musketeers are out to dinner in Vegas at celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay's restaurant. The food is divine. The drinks are flowing. Everyone is enjoying themselves and their choices. I cannot sample their martinis but my seltzer is just as appealing to me. Gluten-free is like a pig in shit over her delicious chilled shrimp salad even though Ms. lactose is directly across the table, chowing down on the best wood-grilled burger she's ever had between a perfectly toasted brioche bun. And Ms. lactose doesn't mind she cannot eat the sticky toffee pudding with sweet ice cream I've ordered for dessert, or the dairy-riddled chocolate trifle. She instead orders the night's special: dark chocolate covered strawberries.

         The world is full of options and accommodations. It's all relative.

             The fact that alcoholism runs in my family put me at a much higher risk of becoming alcoholic than most. Mix that with the allergy and I never stood a chance. But you do not have to come from a family touched by alcoholism or feel you have the allergy for drinking to negatively affect you. There are plenty of people in this world who simply abuse alcohol and drink entirely more than is healthy though they have the ability to stop. Do not be fooled- it can easily balloon into something worse. A dependence on alcohol.

           Whenever someone badgers me about not drinking or declining a shot, I think about how silly they would sound if I were turning down something else I couldn't have, like peanuts, instead of alcohol.

"Come on, have a peanut, just one. No? Come on live a little. Just a handful of Planters and that’s it. You know you want to.”  

    Silly right?

            I was a prisoner to booze for many years. It controlled every aspect of my life. My thoughts, actions, relationships, decisions and behaviors. I refuse to let it pull me down any longer. I refuse to let alcohol dictate where I go simply because it might be making an appearance- like an ex- boyfriend who shows up to every party I attend: annoying at first, but eventually I forget he's even there and set my sites on a blue eyed football player. You do not have to feel like an outcast if you cannot or do not want to drink. There is nothing wrong with you. As the saying goes, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. 

          Everyone's got issues, quirks and things that set them apart. No one is perfect. Most people are far from it. Never feel ashamed of the things you cannot or do not want to partake in. There is no one definition of "normal." Whose to decide that anyway? For me, normal means being happy and healthy both mentally and physically. 

           So politely decline a drink or shot if you do not want it. Have confidence in the fact that you come first-no one else. Whether it's April foliage, long-haired cats, shellfish or alcohol, your body will make you aware of what it cannot handle. Listen to it. If for you that intolerance is alcohol, don't wait for a second arrest, loss of ability to manage your life or depression to kick in to recognize you should not drink. This realization could change your life. 

 **Take what you like and leave the rest**

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